I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
