As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
