She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
