she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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