Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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