you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
