I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
