I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
