wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
