tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize