no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
