i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
