so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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