Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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