3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
