I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize