She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
