I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
