He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
