Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
