Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
