He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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