WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
