Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
