Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize