I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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