Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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