one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
