Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
