bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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