like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
