thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize