Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
