I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
