You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
