I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
