So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
