hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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