Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
