His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
