Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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