when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
