GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize