I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
