i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
