I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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