and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize