You just made me feel so damn special
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
