i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
