new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
