I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
