I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
