the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
