Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
