I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
love makes seman taste better
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
