im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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