Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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