I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
