She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
