Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
