The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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