my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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