my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
