Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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