it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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