...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
