when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
