Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I FOUND THE LEGS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize