We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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