we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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