just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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